day 34 - the hate!

07/07/07 24:05
i admit it, i`ve got "the hate". i`ve had it for a few days now and it`s been getting worse. i don`t have it anymore, i think, or i wouldn`t be adequately distanced to write this. i might use swearwords in an abundance though, to recreate my thoughts at the respective moments.
to have "the hate" s a term that my friends and me use to describe the state of mind when you are generally annoyed, angry at just about everything and get pissed off at every tiny thing that doesn`t agree with you. really pissed off. i blame the fifth week and the sickness and whatever for it, should have gone home after four. anyway, until the afternoon i was pretty upset today. if by 4 o` clock someone had offered me to take me home this instant on the condition that i could never ever return to japan i might have agreed. although it isn`t exactly japan that i was pissed at. it`s rather everything japanese, everything to do with these people argh leave me alone goddamn it!!
i`m not tired! i`m not fucking tired! even if i were tired i wouldn`t be telling you! it`s none of your goddamn business anyway, go away and leave me alone (but please let me sleep in your house, k?).
having said that, my host family told hosokawa-san (with whom i would be spending the day), that i was interested in manga. maybe she told him that i loved loved loved manga and anime and everything otaku because that`s what he seemed to think. having the hate i was naturally pissed off by the fact that she told him that i liked manga (even though it`s true), so i didn`t want to go. of course i didn`t enjoy it at the manga shop (which was quite nice, but then again, how fun is it to look through stacks of manga without having the money or the baggage weight to spare for it). so i told them that i wanted to go to a record store. record stores always calm me and this one (a hmv this time) did too. even if i don`t have the money i can spent hours there. i didn`t have hours this time since we were (as always) on a tight schedule. about 10 minutes in he told me that i should pick three cds and he`d buy them for me, yay! you don`t say no to such an offer (actually i did say no, but he insisted)! i picked some relatively cheap ones, don`t want to be an asshole, and that was ok. then we went to have lunch and on the way i talked to hosokawa`s daughter and another guy. re-enter the hate. really, i cannot stand this damn talking anymore. fucking stupid questions, always the same, always annoying me aRGHFHDSGDSGff. what kind of job does my father do. (now, being calmed down, i suppose that is quite the normal question...) i don`t know. i know the name of the job in german but can`t explain it. i don`t know the english name. and i don`t know how to say that i don`t know in japanese. what kind of buildings do we have in germany? what the hell!? what kind of buildings do you have in japan? what is this bullshit!? big buildings? small buildings? brick buildings? wood buildings? pick your goddamn favourite. what part of germany do i live in, near the rhine? half the country lives near the rhine. do i ask you if you live near the sea!?
and then, after lunch, the glorious climax. kabuki. japanese traditional theater. 2 hours (i suppose, it felt longer) of... traditional japanese theater. which involves a lot of people sitting around on the stage, singing antiquated japanese (that even the japanese don`t understand) in high falsetto voices (since the femle characters are played by men, too). a lot of screaming and crying and squeaking and other ear-numbing noises. not involving much movement. accompanied by weird instrumental avant-garde atonal whatever-music and a guy commenting on what`s happening in some kind of vocal performance. i was tormented. my head hurt. i didn`t know what the hell was going on since there was no discernible story from the acting alone and even if there hadn`t been all the noise i wuldn`t have understood a word of it. i tried not to fall asleep since that might have made the wrong impression on the people that most likely paid a shitload of money so that i could enjoy this cultural event. i had my eyes closed most of the time though. somewhere in the middle i started to count reeeeeeally slow and i got up to 520 or so before the show ended. when i got out i noticed all the people returning their earphones for the english translation and commentary. yeah, english! thank you for not mentioning this, host family! i mean, even if al swearengen himself had commented on this performance i cannot imagine that i would have enjoyed it in the least. my ears are permanently damaged anyway.
after that, the hate had grown so much, that i basically didn`t say a wod for the next 30 minutes. then we arrived at yet another ymca where we met some youth members that were preparing for a convention in thailand. things got better then and have stayed good so far. we had dinner, i talked with people my age (yay), we drank beer, awesome. i got back here, my last night in tokyo. we talked a little, i wasn`t even pissed off anymore when they asked me if i was tired (yes), and i went up to th computer to listen to my cds and type this. tomorrow i`ll go back to osaka where i`ll stay in the hotel at the airport. so most likely this is my last entry that i`ll publish in japan.